Here are the ten things you need to do to make a man beg for a sleepover. So girls let us make this very straight : never let any man sleepover at your place. you are at no one point allowed to serve food, wash dishes and give a bombass sex in one place. Let it all be that when you break up, the only loss you encounter is your vajayjay’s elasticity. Rule number two, don’t have sex with a man more than a night. When you sleep and wake up, it’s your time to get moving. Don’t wife yourself to a man who doesn’t have a ring.
There is no life without a woman. They need us. It’s fine, they don’t want commitment, let him go buy a baby in the hospital. The following are top ten things you should do in a sleepover.
1. Arrive late
Simply because he invited you over, you don’t have to arrive there at 7.am in the morning. This is for the safety of your nails and your restrictions from doing wifely duties on a girlfriend contaract. Think of it, the earlier you get there the more you face the temptation of giving him just a hand job and a hand in his dirty dishes because you want to prove how feminine you are. The less time you spend with him, the better.
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2. Carry a purse, small enough to fit an extra thong
Your dowry has not yet been paid. So no big baskets. You want to have an extra of everything, shoes, clothes, hats, coat. It’s exhausting. You are practically moving into his house even if it’s fwd-arrangement. The next time he will want to come to your place just to get rid of you when he wants to. Let him buy that new toothbrush for you, and make sure you carry it back home. Don’t let another woman use it to lie her baby hair.
3. Eat wash, your face and go to ‘sleep’
Enough with long stories. Let him talk. Let him do his things. Take your time as if you are studying him, let him play his playlist, his TV station. If he bore you too much, give him a sloppy head. And it’s true what they say, the noisier the head, the faster he gonna shoot. If not, you might be really demotivated with a painful neck. After your prayer partnership, go to sleep. Cuddles is for your teddy bear.
4. Remove your clothes, arrange and keep them neatly and go naked in bed
He knows you need a T-shirt. If he won’t give you, sleep with a curve on your back. Round two should not come anything earlier than midnight. They start sleeping at 2am, this is the time to start your coup. Be dirty and be nasty. Touch him, caress him, massage his big belly. Make it awkward for him that you want to fuck him. Then do it. Play with that joystick as if you are possessed by a black stallion. Do it how you want it, feel it, fill it in you, moan, groan, at least once in a while call his name. Nothing more. Don’t ask silly questions like “ni tamu?” and don’t even start your confessions such as “nakupenda”. Do it like its business, touch yourself once in a while. Do it so sexily that he will want to be your hands. Don’t get off until you come. Wake up, go to the bathroom, wash your cat with some cold water and go back to bed.
5. Morning head
Let the first handshake he has is from his head. Massage the little guy in agony, like you will dearly miss him. After that say goodbye. 6.30 should find you saying your goodbyes. No morning sex. He had enough of it at night. You are no longer horny and you also need to go back to your place. You just came to sleep and now that’s off the hook, go home.
6. Don’t ask for transport
Don’t spend where it’s not needed. Don’t travel to rongai from Kahawa to go eat chapati madondo . The cost of coming and going back home to your place should be equal to the cost of food you eat at his place. If it’s a deficit of 100 Bob, ask 100bob for fare. If you had chicken barbeque and more, pay your own fare.
7. Don’t text
Yes don’t get into the matatu and start texting. “That was the best night, oh sex” saying this doesn’t add an A to your sex game. If it was bad, that’s it. If it was good, no need for talking about it. Pillowtalk is only for Zayn Malik, and he ain’t a Kenyan . Get home, text him you are home, and get busy. Don’t talk about the sex, in fact act like it never happened.
8. Don’t plan for another sleepover for at least 5 days
self explanatory. Stop wishing to go back and take mirror selfie in him house. Be humble, accept what you have and stay at your place. A normal man takes around two weeks to be totally horny again, so use your mathematics. The best man to fuck is a horny Man. He will work as if he is fighting with his juices out of his body and at that time they will think of nothing better. Win win for both of you.
9. Don’t leave anything
Yes. No ‘ I forgot excuse’. Take everything of yours and leave no woman trace of you. You will be surprised how much a man wants someone who doesn’t want him. It their animal instinct. You just have to reverse it on them. Don’t leave your toothbrush. Nor your panty under the bed, or your hairclip next to him TV or couch. Carry everything with you.
Don’t alternate men. Alternate the things you do. Today is a sleepover, next time is a rave, then a movie. A wife’s duty is to stay at his home and cook his food, wash his clothes, give him unlimited sex. Yours is to do girls and boys things together. Watch football, go window shopping, eat out. Let him not scare you that you are not a wife material. Of course you wear clean clothes, you really fat and eating healthy, and you have younger siblings. That’s proof enough.